My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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