There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
