Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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