Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day