So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My vagina is officially offended.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick