Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you