I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
