did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
