If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus