how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
