so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
