Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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