You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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