she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
