But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
