im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
