do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
