So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
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Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
But break dance skills will only take you so far
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okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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