a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
