I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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