he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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