non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
