i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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