She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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