I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
