you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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