So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
So many bounce houses so little time
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
