Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
