I have demons in me.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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