I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
