He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
