yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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