I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
