med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
