just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
