I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
