Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
its liver damage thursday
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
