I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
