dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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