In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
