fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
