nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you would pick up someone in the library
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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