i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
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You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
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How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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