i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
