If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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