There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
