break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
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This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
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I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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