i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
