I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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