SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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