they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
