i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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