good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
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The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
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The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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