Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
