Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize
