I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
