Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She's the barista slut.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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