Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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