yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I AM VODKA MAN
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
