so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize