He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Randomize
