So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
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He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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