He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
