K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
