I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
