He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
