threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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