You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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