good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Randomize
