you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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