is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
