My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
there's paper in my vomit.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
