I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
