What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
