Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
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Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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