I am puke
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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