Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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