In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
