Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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