What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.