It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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