i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
