OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The adults are the big ones right?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
