She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The best revenge is premature balding
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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